Egad and Holy shit! It's been a long time since I've posted anything!

What the hell is wrong with me?

Well, let's get right into then, shall we? Ahhh, Violent Femmes playing...Add it up...good good way to start. Cuz the day after today I will stop and and I will start.

So, I've looked back at all my posts. No, just a few of them. Let's get the personal bullshit out of the way first.

I'm still holding on to that decision I made a long time ago that I'm not sharing with anyone. And it's good.

(don't shoot shoot shoot that thing at me, you know you got my sympathy, but don't shoot shoot shoot that thing at me)

Been thinking about destiny, fate, chaos, signs, omens all that shit lately. Haven't made a decision on what I think about it all yet, so there really isn't anything there to talk about.

Oh! I'm dead tired of pottery. I went to the Museum of Contemporary Craft recently and there was tons of pottery and all I could think was 'seen it, done it, seen it, seen it, done it, glaze from a box, seen it, done it, done it, christ, done it!' I walked away from there feeling exhausted with functional ware. AND there was some kind of sculpture at the front doors that I swear I'd seen over an hundred times throughout the country, in colleges, in galleries, in shops, in yards, in the garbage. So where do I take my clay art? It's a good question, thanks for asking. I could keep doing the birds. I like the birds. They are raw and telling of the species. I like birds, duh. But it's far from fine art, no? yes, I will tell you right now, yes it is. Now I just need to find direction. Get myself out of the niche that I've been placed by my own hands. I don't think I will ever get completely away from birds. There is something I see in them that I want to see in myself I suppose. Until I find that, I don't know, I gotta keep creating them. Say, here's an image of a painting I did recently. Chickity check it. Unintentional birdies in there. See? I can't get away from it.

I think I want to paint some more. I didn't have the urge after I graduated, but things are swimming around in my head so much lately, I gotta get it out.

That's another thing, related to art, the way I've stifled myself. I can't blame anyone else, mind you. I have to blame myself. I let things happen. I was the one who got caught up in the whole role as mother and wife and nurturer. It's what we are told to do. I know, I know, we don't have to listen, but think about it, women are damned if we leave our families to pursue endeavors that take all of our time and energy and damned if we choose to do otherwise. Ah, shit, I am getting really base here with what I am trying to say. It's a social construct so deeply ingrained in many women that we push things down and wait for decades before we can let it all out and by then, well, we've forgotten, right? So much more than that too, at least for me. I could go into daddy issues, yoda issues(most of you know who I am talking about), but I don't feel like it right now. The most important thing here is that I am searching for a way to get myself out of this stalemate I've created. Weird and disappointing that I got to this point where my mind is a blank when it comes to my own work.

I'm struggling to not only to find the balance (My friend Beth Laske-Miller seems to have it going on like donkey kong), but also to get those creative juices flowing like they'd never been able to before. I'm cool if I don't come into my own for another decade, but I won't if I don't start now.

At Last by Etta James just started. Okay, I skipped over a Dead Kennedy song, it was a little too much for me. Ahhh, Etta...

Hey, you know what? I'm gonna post some pictures of a fantastic sunset at Baskett Slough. It was a good evening to be there, full of pipers and peeps and herons and egrets and beautiful beautiful sky.

.

Okay, so those are pretty, right?

Hmmm, what else could I say? There's so much on my mind lately. So little focus for any one thing. (Nice, Butthole Surfers is now playing Dracula in Houston) Focus, Direction with a capital D, have all been issues, you know that, of course, I am going to be like that, but now it's time to stop, right?

Oh, hey, I am working towards getting an art center started in Monmouth. I think there will be ample support for it to get it started and once it is established then it will get the backing it needs to stay afloaty float. Got some good people working with me this time. NO potheads. That jerk still hasn't paid me what she owes me. Yeah, yeah, I wrote her off a long time ago...fucking asshole. (see? gotta focus on this too, which will most definitely be good for the community)

Okay, so, I have touched on a few things. Hopefully I won't be a stranger anymore. HOPEFULLY, I will post some damn pictures for you soon of stuff and things. And hopefully my rants will at least be a little more cohesive than what you just got. Just remember you are awesome and I love you.

Love to all and all to love,

BeF